News

Rough night.

Photo of Extra Large underwear

Presidential

Puppy Love, a TV channel in the ICU dedicated to relaxation. It was appreciated.

Recent Reading

Issue #47 of OPE zine mailed out 1/11/17. Please begin your vigil by the mailbox ASAP.

47 regular issues of OPE, plus the rare kids' issue

Drop your butler here. These good folks will amuse him while you enjoy the State Fair.

LP store categories, Toronto

My father liked possums, and in his old age, he used an email account with the username PossumNibbles. When it came time to choose the text for his headstone, we thought it only natural to include his second name.

Photo is from a recent trip to the military cemetery where he is interred. Kerning errors are courtesy of the US Government.

Gotta = got to, as in "I gotta go."

Gotta ≠ got a

How many committees did this get by at Urban Outfitters before it was approved for in-store use? 

It all depends on whether 66° is higher than 64°.

Puppy von Puppington III (and caregiver) waiting for a train in Germany.

Puppy von Puppington III aka PVPIII aka Puppy was born in China. He has been to California, Germany, New York, and Maryland [update: and Denmark & England]. He has a twin brother who lives in the closet and will only come out should anything happen to Puppy.

Puppy recently used the internet to find others in the von Puppington family tree. He was excited and waggy upon finding these relatives:

Sir Milo Von Puppington [sic]

Maia deNovo von Puppington and her brother, Mobius Georg von Puppington (of the N. Buffalo von Puppingtons)

Puppy would like to meet some of these relatives, but it could be awkward, as he doesn't speak Bark. 

When selling items on craigslist, they say not to have buyers come to your house anymore, as they may rob you/kill you/grab the item and run. They say to meet them at Starbucks, and bring a burly friend. But what if you are selling something like an amp, and the person needs to hear it before making the purchase? I googled my prospective buyer, and he had a large internet presence, so I asked him to text a pic of himself so I could confirm he was who he said he was and not a robber/murderer. Here is what he sent.

postscript: I lived. I also sold the amp.

His plane crashed into Block Island Sound, pictured

Plastic flower vase/cemetery visit

"I knew you'd much rather have a cigarette. I love you."

OPE At Joshua Tree Music Festival

Job titles

The "penetrating gaze" of the artist

Readers may be familiar with Smiley Face (pictured above), created in 1963 by Harvey Ball. Before Smiley, humans had no way to graphically represent the happy feelings they experienced inside.

Friend of OPE (and caretaker of Kurt's bike) Doug has long enjoyed drawing Smiley Face. After many years of meditation on Smiley, and utilizing the artist's "penetrating gaze," Doug was able to decipher some of Smiley's mysteries. Though Smiley has only ever let himself be seen in full frontal view, Doug was able, after much reflection, to draw this profile of S.

From the archives

The early reviews of issue #42 of Other People Exist are in:

"btw, excellent new OPE." - a subscriber, in an email on another subject.

"An exceptionally entertaining issue. This year, for the first time, I'm sending you my renewal check almost completely ungrudgingly." - a longtime subscriber.

 

The issue under consideration

Issue #42 of Other People Exist, the 9th Annual Death/Christmas Issue, will enter the mail stream today at approximately 12:00PM EST. Subscribers should begin their vigil by the mailbox immediately. 

Several people have written asking me to recommend the best type of chair for vigil purposes. I cannot recommend any chairs, since I don't recommend sitting at all during your vigil. Sitting leads to distracting activities such as reading, resting, or eating. I recommend standing beside the mailbox with a hand or arm resting gently upon it. In this position, the vigil-holder is quick to detect any motion in or around the box area, particularly the insertion of mail.

Stay by the box. Don't lose focus. If you are performing the vigil correctly, you will be there for the arrival of the issue. That is the point of the boxside vigil.

The Internet, in a nutshell

An honest sign

Issue #40 of OPE zine has entered the mail stream. I recommend readers begin their vigil by the mailbox tomorrow morning, just to be safe. Plan on being out by the mailbox by 7:00 AM. Subscribers who live in foreign lands should consult their national postal service for estimates as to arrival time. They are probably safe waiting until Friday morning to begin their vigil beside their culture's traditional mail receptacle.

Please, apply sunscreen at least thirty minutes before you take your place by the mailbox, and have your snacks with you; you don't want to miss the arrival of the zine because you were inside buttering a muffin.

One reader suggested placing a baby monitor in the mailbox, then attending to one's regular life tasks while keeping the monitor nearby. I don't recommend this. The level of vigilance sufficient for infant care is probably inadequate for this task. Stay by the box. Keep the box in your sight. Don't lose focus.

Best of luck.

Question: shouldn't this magazine be called just "MD"?

Seen and enjoyed in Manhattan.

My favorite google translation to date:

"From the windows of my room there to see just a lovely big rainbow, so I have to go there now, unfortunately monkeys fascinated."

Attention Young People

1. Back when the primary medium for music was the long-playing record (AKA "the LP"), we called them "records" or "albums." We knew they were made of vinyl, but no one said "Let's go buy some vinyl" or "Let's listen to some vinyl."
2. If you want to refer to records as "vinyl" in 2015, feel free; I have grown accustomed to it and, when I hear it, I no longer feel the urge to kill. But please avoid saying "Let's go buy some vinyls." It's just bad grammar. And it might make me snap.

From the OPE Digital issue

You hold in your hands the first digital issue of Other People Exist, plus whatever else you are holding. We’re halfway through Year Five, and it’s a good time to reflect on what I’ve accomplished so far, if anything. I’ve written some of the finest and most underappreciated work in my oeuvre, I’ve kept pandering to an absolute minimum - just enough to retain my stupidest subscribers - and I’ve built OPE into the moderately successful enterprise it is today, all without losing my street cred. That’s success in my book - but then, I wrote my book. Others may define it differently, such as in the traditional manner.

As subscribers are reading this issue, their birds, bunnies and guinea pigs are hopping from foot to foot in anticipation! They know that the arrival of this publication means a fresh cage lining for them, followed by weeks of superior comfort and leak protection. It’s one of the reasons I work so hard to make each issue as thick and absorbent as I can. When I think of the looks on your pets' snouts/beaks/muzzles, I know that the work I do matters. Pets on three continents have been comforted by OPE’s familiar feel underfoot. It is the first choice among choosy masters.

Sure, my subscribers could use newspaper to line their pets' cages. But newspaper requires frequent changing, which can end up costing hundreds of dollars a month. And veterinarians tell us that 75% of all pets prefer OPE zine as a cage liner (among pets who specify a preference). One important note: I don't recommend OPE zine for subscribers with gila monsters or other monster lizards, as these animals need a substrate of playground sand or bark chips in their cage.

I’d like to thank each of you for your renewal. I know you could find other uses for your four dollars. You could buy a small watermelon and eat it with friends. You could take a child to a matinee movie with the permission of its parents. Or you could use it for a third possibility that I haven't considered. But you chose to renew your subscription to OPE, and I (and your treasured pets) thank you!

Kurt

Available
©Kurt
(click to enlarge; do not click and it will remain as it is)

Note that the Giant Gator flies both the US and Gator flags. ©Kurt

"Meat"

Thank you for your honesty. ©Kurt

From Toy Fair 2013 in New York City.

©Kurt

I am hard at work on Issue #35 of OPE zine, the 7th annual Death/Christmas issue. It has been seven years since the first Death/Christmas issue of Other People Exist. In the interval, I have celebrated seven Christmases and died zero times. I hope to continue this trend indefinitely.

At this juncture, six of the necessary 24 pages have been completed. It is unlikely that the issue will be ready before Christmas, which falls on December 25th this year. Still, it is always a good idea to wait by your mailbox just in case. Take your post beside the box and listen for the tell-tale thunk of OPE striking the bottom.

A clarification

Though readers should know by now, I want to make it clear that Other People Exist is written for a sophisticated audience of intellectuals and other smart-types – cultured folks who read books and enjoy $10+ bottles of wine (as well as anyone who can pay the $24/yr subscription rate). In keeping with our impressive snootiness, even our non-human appreciators are of the glasses-wearing, intelligent-seeming kind.


photo courtesy of Perpetual Chocoholic

Overheard at MOMA

click to enlarge; do not click and it will stay the same

Tip of the hat to Joanne Casey of I Have Seen The Whole Of The Internet.

Click the image and it will open a larger version of the image; if you do not click, it will stay the same size.

An email to OPE subscribers:

Issue #34 of Other People Exist mailed out today. In it, the word "supervillain" is misspelled. I apologize for any inconvenience,

Kurt

Readers enjoying their OPE (updated)

Send your pic in today!