Attention Young People

1. Back when the primary medium for music was the long-playing record (AKA "the LP"), we called them "records" or "albums." We knew they were made of vinyl, but no one said "Let's go buy some vinyl" or "Let's listen to some vinyl."
2. If you want to refer to records as "vinyl" in 2015, feel free; I have grown accustomed to it and, when I hear it, I no longer feel the urge to kill. But please avoid saying "Let's go buy some vinyls." It's just bad grammar. And it might make me snap.

From the OPE Digital issue

You hold in your hands the first digital issue of Other People Exist, plus whatever else you are holding. We’re halfway through Year Five, and it’s a good time to reflect on what I’ve accomplished so far, if anything. I’ve written some of the finest and most underappreciated work in my oeuvre, I’ve kept pandering to an absolute minimum - just enough to retain my stupidest subscribers - and I’ve built OPE into the moderately successful enterprise it is today, all without losing my street cred. That’s success in my book - but then, I wrote my book. Others may define it differently, such as in the traditional manner.

As subscribers are reading this issue, their birds, bunnies and guinea pigs are hopping from foot to foot in anticipation! They know that the arrival of this publication means a fresh cage lining for them, followed by weeks of superior comfort and leak protection. It’s one of the reasons I work so hard to make each issue as thick and absorbent as I can. When I think of the looks on your pets' snouts/beaks/muzzles, I know that the work I do matters. Pets on three continents have been comforted by OPE’s familiar feel underfoot. It is the first choice among choosy masters.

Sure, my subscribers could use newspaper to line their pets' cages. But newspaper requires frequent changing, which can end up costing hundreds of dollars a month. And veterinarians tell us that 75% of all pets prefer OPE zine as a cage liner (among pets who specify a preference). One important note: I don't recommend OPE zine for subscribers with gila monsters or other monster lizards, as these animals need a substrate of playground sand or bark chips in their cage.

I’d like to thank each of you for your renewal. I know you could find other uses for your four dollars. You could buy a small watermelon and eat it with friends. You could take a child to a matinee movie with the permission of its parents. Or you could use it for a third possibility that I haven't considered. But you chose to renew your subscription to OPE, and I (and your treasured pets) thank you!

Kurt