December 31, 2007

Today I will share the many lessons I learned in 2007 and the ways in which I grew as a person, if applicable.

What I learned: people are not going to come to my door begging me to work for them as I had previously expected. It was unrealistic to think so, but I don't regret the hours I spent imagining it: "Kurt, we desperately need you to turn this place around! We don't need you to come to meetings or complete paperwork - just do the amazing things you do!"
How I grew: N/A

What I learned: The world is a cold, hard place. When I was coming up, you sent a resume and cover letter when you applied for the job. After a while, you got a phone call and someone told you "thank you, but the position has been filled." Now, you send a cover letter and resume, and no one calls. But it's nice that at least the part where you don't get the job hasn't changed.
How I grew: I'm a little more bitter and disheartened.

What I learned: There are only a handful of people one can count on. They say if you become desperately ill, you will find out who your "real" friends are, but I'm more interested in who calls or writes or shows up when I'm not sick. I can't really count on becoming desperately ill, and I like to feel like I'm a draw even when I'm healthy.
How I grew: Stopped waiting for people to change.

What I learned: Giving up makes you happy. The more you want things, the more it hurts when they don't happen. After many many disappointments, I've found that the counterintuitive reaction to give up is the best. Don't fight it. Yield. Remember: life is going to kill you in the end.
How I grew: Stopped caring

Happy New Year!


Reason #1 to give up

December 28, 2007

Congratulations to me for winning the anti-caption contest at VE's Fantastical Nonsense. I read the contest rules, spent .46 seconds searching google images, and came up with the winning picture (Caption: "That certainly wasn't how Johnny expected his day would go...").

Though I didn't put out much effort initially, I did have to revisit VE's blog repeatedly to vote for myself again and again. In fact, I'm pretty sure all six of the votes cast for my winning picture were from me. I guess it's true what they say: you get back what you put in.

My hope is that my victory will serve as a lesson to others and will inspire them to take a chance and/or dare to dream. You won't know what you're capable of until you try. Once, I tried to drink a whole pony keg by myself and I did it!

December 27, 2007

This Christmas, we were asked again and again what we were doing for Christmas. We had planned to do what we always do: open presents, eat cookies, and thumb through our Jeff Bridges scrapbook.

While it is assumed that those with children will be at home opening presents and enjoying the spirit of togetherness, single people, it seems, are expected to travel somewhere and spend time with a certified family.

The Black Adventist online community has an interesting thread in their forum called "Is Christmas just for families?" User NubianSista said "Christmas is one of those times when the social norm is to get together with our families even if you never see them during the year."

That caused user Seraphim to ask "What constitutes a family?" Someone offered a definition of "family" from answers.com: "Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place."

That sounds a lot like OPE! We didn't need the validation, but it's always nice to have the Black Adventists on your side. It seems the breeders do not have a monopoly on Christmas.

December 26, 2007

It's December 26th, which means it's time for Todd to take down the OPE Christmas lights. I put the ladder where he could find it so that he could begin without delay this morning. It's a big job, but I know that, given a whole week, he can do it.

Todd has really grown up since last year at this time, and I do not expect him to break down and plead for a few minutes' break like last Christmas.

(click to enlarge)

December 25, 2007

I am posting today from our new OLPC (One Laptop Per Child). Todd and I like to give back, especially when there's something in it for us. The people at One Laptop Per Child have a Give One Get One program. We were immediately attracted to the Get One part. For a donation of $399, one XO laptop is sent to a child in a developing nation and/or Alabama, and one is sent to "the child in your life," in this case me.

The laptop has no CD/DVD drive, a 1GB "hard drive," and only a 7.5-inch screen. It runs on Linux and will not run any standard Mac or Windows programs. In other words, it's the perfect gift for the contrarian in your family. I love it.

You're probably thinking What does you do on it, then? Well, it comes with its own open-source software to Chat, Browse, Write, Record, Paint, Draw, Play and Compose. It’s spillproof, rainproof, dustproof and drop-proof. It’s fanless, silent and it weighs 3.2 pounds. One battery charge lasts six hours. It has a built-in video camera, microphone, memory-card slot, graphics tablet, and game-pad controllers. In other words it gots everything you need. You can read more here.

December 24, 2007

Well, another Yalda is behind us. The nuts, seeds and fresh winter fruits have been consumed, and the traditional games have been played. Todd and I placed some pomegranates on top of the fruit basket as a reminder of the cycle of life. I even said aloud "Remember the cycle of life?" and Todd smiled as if remembering.

Traditionally, Yalda night is a time for all members of the family to stay together and tell old stories, but since it was just Todd and me, I made up a funny Yalda story with a good message about nutritious and adventuresome eating. Then we watched Abbas Kiarostami's "Zire darakhatan zeyton" (Through the Olive Trees), which is both Todd's and my favorite Kiarostami film.

I was fortunate to meet Mr. Kiarostami once at a film festival. He was surrounded by fans, some of whom were getting their tickets signed. In such situations, I prefer to observe rather than participate, as this allows me to maintain my sense of superiority, but I was taken up in the moment, and I asked a gentleman if I might see his autographed ticket. I wish there were more to that story, but there isn't.

Happy Yalda!

December 21, 2007

Readership at OPE has been a bit down lately, so in an effort to up our visitor count, I'm including in today's post a few of the most popular search phrases that bring Internet users to OPE blog.

twins licking each other
marijuana allergies
women riding ponies
absorbent cage liners
tied up head shaved

Let's hope that helps.

Before the insane workaholic attorney moved in below us at the old OPE headquarters, there were two attractive Persian sisters living there. There were some obvious benefits to having them there - the invites to hookah parties, the smell of unfamiliar but alluring food cooking, the presence of attractive Persian girls - and I was sad when they moved out. Unfortunately, I never got a chance to celebrate Yalda with them.

This Yalda, I am forced to celebrate alone, as I don't have any Persian friends. Not being Persian myself, and being totally ignorant re: Yalda festivities, I made a guess and baked some chocolate chip cookies. I couldn't find the bittersweet chocolate chips I like, so I had to use standard "semi-sweet" chips. I'm not sure if that's Yalda or not.

These cookies are delicious, and just five satisfy your daily requirement for cookies!

December 20, 2007

Thanks to the suggestions provided by my readers, this year, it will appear as if people matter to me. It is not possible at this time for me to reveal what I selected for the final gift, as the receiver of the gift sometimes reads this blog. I can say that I expended way too much effort choosing these two gifts. I worked harder than people who care!

Now that I have finished purchasing presents for the 2007 Holiday season, I can give my full attention to preparing for the festivities that attend the winter holiday I celebrate. I'd like to take the opportunity I have just now provided to wish each of my readers a joyous whatever they celebrate, be it Eid al-Adha, Yalda, Dongzhi, or Christmas (if Hanukkah, I apologize for my tardiness).

December 19, 2007

Thank you to everyone who offered gift suggestions yesterday. We are halfway to our goal of giving the impression that I care about others.

M's suggestion that I gift the young male "Coffee, lots of coffee" caused me to email his mother and ask if the boy partakes. She replied "Him and Miss Thang go to [dominant multinational coffeehouse chain] all the time." I rushed over to this coffeehouse's website and purchased him a gift card (with free rush shipping!). The gift note reads:

Dude,
Although personally I think one should make one's own coffee at home, if it makes you happy to go out and pay ten times as much, then who am I to judge? Just remember, coffee is the most heavily sprayed crop in the world, so if you're not buying organic, you might as well kiss your organs goodbye.
Happy Holidays! Kurt

I am still working on a gift for the male senior citizen. In the past, I have given him crossword puzzle books/paraphernalia, so it might be time to get him something new. Unfortunately, I cannot afford to buy him the psychologist visits he so desperately needs. Don American's suggestion that I gift him "a complementary [sic] subscription to OPE" zine was misinformed, as no one gets OPE for free. Even my brother had to wipe the cobwebs off his checkbook and lay out US$24 a year.

Let's think of one more gift, people. Remember, this man enjoys sitting, watching TV, and parroting the views of the current administration.

December 18, 2007

Today I will be asking for help from my readers in selecting a few holiday gifts. I will tell you a bit about each giftee, and then you will please leave your suggestions in the comment section. You already know about the gifter: me. For the purposes of today's post, pretend I am a kind and caring person who likes to give thoughtful gifts.

The first recipient is a young male, a college freshman. I presume he cares about something, but I have no idea what. He used to enjoy musicals, but it's not what you think. Other pertinent facts: The Sister is giving him a gift card from Staples with which she hopes he will purchase school supplies. I hope to find something appropriate in the $0 to $15 range.

The second person is also a male, a senior citizen. He likes to watch TV, do crosswords, and repeat unprocessed everything that Rush Limbaugh says as if it isn't stupid. Somewhere in there is a good person who deserves a gift under $20.

Although there are no winners in this contest, each person who leaves a helpful suggestion will have the satisfaction of being an active member of the human family.

December 17, 2007

Fellow blogger Merle Sneed has thrown down the gauntlet and posted photos of his intimidating Christmas decorations. They are impressive, although Merle freely admits that "the lovely Mrs. Sneed takes care of the Christmas spirit," which we can assume to mean that Merle naps through much of the decorating work.

I make no claims to be able to keep up with the Sneeds, but I enjoy tastefully decorating the OPE offices for the Holidays. I do it for myself and not as part of any competition with fellow bloggers. People have their sad little desires to compete and win at everything, but I'm happy just to be excellent.

As you can see, we have a modest tree in the main area of the OPE offices, as well as a hand-braided red & silver garland. A wreath (not pictured) festively adorns the antechamber beyond.

I won't claim I did it all myself - with the proper motivation, Todd can be quite the decorator - but I will say that the artistic conception is mine.

December 14, 2007

Today we will be making a pear cardamom clafouti. You may want to wash your hands first.

This recipe has been handed down through many generations of someone's family. You can tell it wasn't my family because it has flavor. I made a few adjustments to the recipe based on my experience with clafoutix.

For pear cardamom clafouti, you first need some pears and some cardamom.


Arrange the sliced pears on the bottom of a buttered clafouti dish.


Next, whisk together the eggs, sugar, milk, vanilla, cardamom and cinnamon, then pour the mixture slowly over the pears.


Bake at 375 for 25 minutes, then lower to 350 for ten minutes. The work is over now, and you can relax with a glass of wine.


After I finish a clafouti, there is always a lot of excitement in the OPE offices as Todd tries to guess who will get the first slice. It could be anyone! I tell him. It's always me, of course, but Todd claps his hands and squeals with delight anyway.

December 13, 2007

Judging by yesterday's comments, our readers have questions about OPE zine.

Don American (if that is his real name) asked which of my family members, if any, subscribe to OPE zine. The Sister and The Brother are both subscribers; The Father has wanted a free copy for some time, but that is not possible in a subscription-based system such as the one OPE uses.

VE asked if I was "drawing with a knitting needle" in yesterday's picture. Of course, one cannot draw with a knitting needle. If you look closely, you can see clearly that it is a chopstick.

Chedwick asked if it was "time to re-subscribe?" It is not. OPE zine is published bimonthlyly (six times a year), so there are six issues in one year's subscription. Hence, OPE zine is in its third year. Year Four, should it come to that, will begin with issue #19.

M didn't have a question, but her eagle eyes spotted my lucite 2005 Blog Excellence Award in the background. That was, of course, accidental. Todd was giving all my awards their weekly buffing yesterday, and he left my BEA on the table.

Detail of yesterday's photo:

December 12, 2007

Since returning from my travel trip, I've been hard at work on issue #17 of OPE zine. It's hard to believe that there have already been sixteen issues of OPE zine. Who could have guessed that when I quit my job and asked friends and family members to give me money for my drawings that I could/would drag it out this long, way past the point where everyone feels uncomfortable?

I expected that at some point I would be sucked back into my previous line of work and I'd have to put aside my dreams of running a mid-sized cartoon-based zine that nets almost $800 per year. But it turns out that my years of excellence in my field went completely unnoticed by the world. No one came knocking on my door to urge me to return to the classroom and recite the scripted curriculum that I continuously ridiculed before resigning in a huff.

So here we are some three years later, and for lack of anything better to do, I've turned OPE zine into a modest success (when compared with other zines in its class). The critics can't stop talking about how they've never heard of it. And despite the recent uncertainty in the financial markets, the per-issue price and infamously undiscounted annual subscription rate have stayed unchanged (US$24/yr, for those looking for the perfect holiday gift!).

Congratulations to me for my moderately impressive accomplishment!

The Artist hard at work on Issue #17 (click to enlarge)

December 11, 2007

Yesterday I reminisced about my visit with raconteur (and keeper of Kurt's bike) Doug. Doug's garden attracts a variety of pollinators such as bees and moths, and it also attracts a large house cat named Goya, pictured below.

Goya discovered Doug's garden over a year ago, and he makes daily visits there. I photographed him in a particularly regal mood, but usually, he can be found just roaming around looking drop dead sexy. As you can see, he is definitely cut. And he doesn't even work out!

Once, Goya's owner came looking for him, and carried him home. But Goya returned as usual the following day, and the owner has never been seen since.

(click to enlarge)

December 10, 2007

Many of you may remember my trip to an island state that concluded last week. Well, on the first leg of that trip, I stayed with Doug, who you may recall is entrusted with the care and storage of Kurt's bike.

Doug grows a variety of plants in his garden, some of which yield food for his diet. For example, Doug's cactus harvest this year provided him (and honored guests) with an ample supply of nopales, which can be eaten in tacos or in other ways I'm not familiar with.

Doug asked me to take photos of the completed tacos to send to a friend of his who is a taco fetishist. I think I managed to capture much of what is good about the tacos. Judge for yourself.


Taco, top view


Tacos, side view

December 7, 2007

Today is the anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on John Lennon. Those of us who lived through it will never forget what we were doing when we heard the confusing news. It must be a particularly difficult day for Yoko, who loved John very much and is Japanese herself.

John never made negative comments about the Japanese, which is what makes the whole thing so difficult to understand. He traveled to Japan in 1966 with the famous rock band The Beatles and was even said to have enjoyed tempura. Some of John's fans have found it hard to forgive Japan and consequently will not eat sushi.

Many will be tempted to put Imagine on their hi-fi today and think of John. I think that is a mistake because I never cared for that song. I prefer Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy). What a melody.

December 6, 2007

I completed the sixth and final leg of my trip last night, and I am now in the place where I started some two and a half weeks ago. While going through my trip photos, I discovered this picture of me hard at work on a post for OPE blog. You can see how pensive I get when I am sharing my thoughts with my readers. At the same time this picture was taken, Todd was waving his arms desperately out the window at passersby in a vain attempt to call attention to his plight. It's kind of funny when you think of it: the contrast between my beautiful surroundings and the little prison Todd made for himself after his feeding machine malfunctioned.

Poor little guy. I gave him the big half of the slice of cake I cut for dessert last night. He was so happy. Then, after tucking him into bed and turning on his night light, I had another slice.

December 5, 2007

Todd was released from the hospital today and given a clean bill of health. I spoke with him on the phone and explained that the doctors say he is all better now and there is no reason he should waste money on a taxi home when he has two perfectly healthy legs. I am still a little worried about him, though, as he sometimes forgets the name of our exit.

Today, I will be taking my sixth and final flight of my trip across this greatish nation to the city where I live.

Traditionally, I begin my Christmas festivities one week after Thanksgiving, but this year, I have postponed the action until my return home. Before the incident with his feeding machine, Todd buffed the Xmas lights to a fine luster and ironed the wrinkles out of last year's tinsel in anticipation of the decorating to come. Due to a misunderstanding on Todd's part, however, we will have to string new popcorn chains. I am not letting the late start or Todd's near-death prevent me from celebrating the season to its fullest.

December 4, 2007

Thank you everyone for your concern about Todd's feeding machine. I am happy to report that the offending piece of kibble has been dislodged and the machine is just fine. It will live to portion out meals for Todd another day.

Todd is out of the ICU, but they want to keep him at the hospital until he stops shaking. I assigned him some stapling work to keep him occupied. I will be home tomorrow, and I'm sure that seeing me will help to stabilize his condition.


Get Well Soon automatic feeding machine!

December 3, 2007

I'm back on the mainland. I left the island state as I found it, perhaps even a bit tidier.

I received a frantic call from a concerned neighbor back home saying that an oversize piece of kibble had jammed Todd's feeding machine. They were out walking their dog and they saw Todd signaling for help in the window. I've told Todd that he doesn't need a key to unlock the door from the inside. I've also showed him how to clear a jam in his feeding machine. I supposed he panicked. Anyhow, he's off the I.V. and doing fine now.

We will return on Wednesday and provide a full report at that time.